You are beautiful.

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Most women believe they are not beautiful but you are. For the past six years I have be insecure and hated my body. I wore baggy clothes, didn’t do my hair and makeup all the time, and hated to be around people. Everyone who past me would stare or make faces and I was sick of being asked on a daily basis if I was pregnant. No one knows what battles you face and no one has ever walked a mile in my shoes. I was diagnosed with health issues but I didn’t post them all over social media or tell everyone I knew because if I couldn’t handle my emotions I did not want to feel worse about them. Even after all this time I still sit back and wonder why this all happen. The feelings that hurt deep down because no one understands or believes your pain. A health issue, heartbreak, lose of someone, there are many things in life that affect us all differently. And in the end we all feel alone like no one cares or no one will listen. I am not the kind of person who enjoys speaking to a therapist, first off they are paid to listen and say their opinion but have they ever went through the things you have? When I began to blog and express my emotions even through quotes on facebook, when people became to like and comment I realized I am not alone. There are others who feel the same way I do. There are others who feel alone. But now, you are not.

A deep breathe.

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Why? What did I do? Questions I continue to ask myself all the time. I love my boyfriend with all my heart but it is so aggravating when he works all day and comes up eats and falls asleep. However, if his friends call or he plans something with them before he even gets home he will be wide awake and stay out all night with them. No matter how hard I express how I am feeling, to him I am just bitching and complaining. What else can I do? I give him space, I try not to text him when he is with the guys, and I tell him to go have fun. It honestly makes me feel like he can not stand to be around me. He tells me he loves me and would never leave me but it has been two years and things go from really awesome to being depressed every few months. Its like a roller coaster. I try to show him affection and please him as much as I can but it is hard to want to have sex when someone doesn’t show you the same affection. I put on a smile and pretend everything will be fine but deep down it hurts like hell. I know he doesn’t mean to hurt me and I do know he loves me. We have known each other a very long time and he is truly the most generous guy you will ever meet. But why do I feel like I am alone even when he is next to me?