An Ongoing Fight.

I know every couple has ups and downs. Everyone fights or argues but what is so important that no one can come to an understanding? When I got with my boyfriend I had known him for years but we lost touch after we graduated. I know people change; I had definitely changed from when we were in school. I knew he had flaws just like I did but no matter what we agreed to work through anything.

In the beginning of our relationship things were perfect. He had time with his friends and we both worked during the day, then we at nights that were our nights with no one else. It was great because he had his own time and so did I. Of course we both spoiled the other one in the beginning because that’s just how things work but as the relationship went on we began to argue a lot. He felt he didn’t have enough time with his friends but when he did go out all I did was bitch and complain, according to him.

However, I felt like I never got time with just him and I and he was never home. When he came home from work he would either leave with his friends, be on the phone the whole night with them, or they would be coming over to the house. How were we ever suppose to have him and I time? To him because we live together and he came home every night, we slept in the same bed, that he was spending time with me. That was not how I saw it at all. I would try to explain my feels but I felt he never understood or would get aggravated and walk away.Later I realized he is just not a confrontational person at all. He was so use to his ways for years before I came along and was not use to a serious relationship that he did not know how to handle the situation.

We sat down and tried to work things out where we would have our nights, with no one around, and we would have nights apart. That way we both compromised, however I still feel I am giving for than receiving. I do anything and everything for him, do not get me wrong he does things for me all the time also, however when it comes to bills, being an adults, or responsibility he will avoid it or begin an argument until I give up. Why is it so hard for him to understand and try to work things out? Why can he not see how bad it hurts me when he talks to me in ways that hurt? I am confused every day and I feel like it is an ongoing fight that will never be resolved.

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A deep breathe.

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Why? What did I do? Questions I continue to ask myself all the time. I love my boyfriend with all my heart but it is so aggravating when he works all day and comes up eats and falls asleep. However, if his friends call or he plans something with them before he even gets home he will be wide awake and stay out all night with them. No matter how hard I express how I am feeling, to him I am just bitching and complaining. What else can I do? I give him space, I try not to text him when he is with the guys, and I tell him to go have fun. It honestly makes me feel like he can not stand to be around me. He tells me he loves me and would never leave me but it has been two years and things go from really awesome to being depressed every few months. Its like a roller coaster. I try to show him affection and please him as much as I can but it is hard to want to have sex when someone doesn’t show you the same affection. I put on a smile and pretend everything will be fine but deep down it hurts like hell. I know he doesn’t mean to hurt me and I do know he loves me. We have known each other a very long time and he is truly the most generous guy you will ever meet. But why do I feel like I am alone even when he is next to me?