Grandmother’s Love

I do not talk about my grandmother very often because it is hard to think about all the good times without remembering she is no longer here with me. She was the most incredible women; loved all of her grandchildren and spoiled us to the core. My whole life changed on August 11 2007 and I will never forget that day. I felt like my world was over, my heart had been ripped out of my chest, I could not breathe nor could I move. She was suppose to come home that day but never made it off the opp-orating table.

Every time I look at her picture I smiling knowing she is looking down on us from heaven but it also brings tears remembering her. It only seems like yesterday that we were sitting in the living room watching our favorite movie Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. She would be laying on the couch combing her salt and pepper color hair, cigarette lite in the ashtray, while I am in the recliner eating popcorn. We would always watch movies and catch each other staring at the fish tanks sometimes.  She would keep zebra cakes or other sweets in the kitchen and every night we would eat one before we went to lay down.

Every year on my birthday I still wish she would call me. Every birthday around 6 am she would call and sing happy birthday to all of us I can still hear her singing it that one last time. She had the most beautiful voice and smile ever. I miss her more and more every day. I especially miss talking to her because no matter how many times we done things wrong she would never judge us and love us no matter what. We would make her mad at times but that’s what grandchildren do.

Her house always smelled like smoke because she was a chain smoker but now I find myself missing that smell and when I do smell smoke I think of her sometimes. It still hurts today as much as it did the day she left us. I know she is in a much better place looking down on us but I miss her hugs everything about her. I have talked to her while looking in the sky; I know she can hear me and I know she misses us also but nothing seems to ease the pain of her being gone. I loved her so much and never thought I would be without her. I wish I could go to heaven and talk to her and be with her all the time but I understand it is not my time to see her and one day I will. I just want to be able to tell her I love her and do things that we use to do together. I do not understand why God had to take her when he did. Why did it have to be her that day? Why couldn’t I have had more time with her?

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