A Dark Cry

I am sorry to my readers that I have been unavailable for a little while. As I previously wrote about my experience with my medical conditions; things have taken a turn so I have been unable to write. Now I find myself full of things on my mind but when I speak of them all I can do is shed tear after tear. No one understands what I am going through however my boyfriend is honestly the most incredible man who will hold me and help me through this long journey. I have another appointment next week so we will see what the Doctor has to say after this but it is hard to look at the bright side of things when all I have is disappointment when I look in the mirror.

I have been in so much pain and the swelling has gotten worse over the past few weeks. I now have a rather large spot on my leg that looks like someone burnt me and beat me. It showed up about a week ago but at that time it only looked like a rash then it kept getting worse. I know my condition causes my skin to do some rather weird things so to say but when I look down at my legs, my arms, or even in the mirror I just want to cry. Sometimes I feel running away would solve everything or never waking up but I know I would hurt many people so I could never do either of those things.

My hands hurt so bad that even picking up a pen to write a short letter or cut my boyfriends finger nails have become a challenge. My hands shake so bad that holding anything has even become a challenge. I drop smaller objects that I try to hold on to and larger objects are even more difficult. I am to the point that my life feels like it is over. Why? Why did all of this happen to me? I could never be mad at God because I know he gives us the path he knows we can handle but sometimes I wish he could lead me down another path to help figure out this one I am on now.

 

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