A Picture of Pain.

I have to force myself to get up everyday, motivate myself to take one more breathe. Every day I see people who run, jump, live a normal life, have a family and children; me, I am waking up everyday thankful the Lord gave me another day. Unless you have been in my shoes you do not understand how living with a chronic illness can effect you. Fighting each day for pain to ease, being able to have a normal life. I was diagnosed with Scleroderma, Fibermyalgia, and R.A. when I was 21 years old. Just when your life should begin mine was taken from me.

I had the perfect figure, did sports in school, always going and doing with my friends; then I graduated started becoming an adult when all of a sudden my world turned upside down. I started gaining weight and the pain was something I had never felt before. No one understood, no one could figure it out. Doctor after doctor, test after test, nothing until one day a doctor walked in and saved my life. Unfortunately when he verified what illness I had he let me know it was nothing to take lightly to. It was an autoimmune that could not be cured. We could slow symptoms down as best we could but I would have flares and this would be my life.

For five years I have been in chronic pain swelling daily and not being able to work or function to have a normal or even half way normal life. I found someone who loves me for me and that was the best feeling but even though he supports me he never understands how it changed me. I have had to take chemo injections and  I am continuously on pain medication just to get through the day. The past few months things have gotten really bad and it makes it hard to even get out of bed or want to wake up. I became very depressed and confused.

However sometimes all of that does not hurt nearly as bad at the looks people give me and the judgement. Unless you are willing to research to even try to understand you have no right to do any of that. You do not realize how a small glance at someone can hurt so bad or how a few words can feel like a knife. I live every day with this, I have to think twice about being outside because it burns and hurt extremely bad, I have to think twice before I can go anywhere or be around people because I get sick easily. So before you judge walk a mile in my shoes then your picture perfect life will no longer be; you will have a picture of pain with an understanding.

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